if you want a girlfriend
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I have met several guys who spend quite a lot of time thinking about how to get girlfriends. Which kind of girls, places to meet girls, pick-up lines, dating hints. It all seems so procedural and “how to-oriented,” rather than spontaneous and natural – which is how love is ’supposed’ to be. So I believe that having the mindset of “getting a girlfriend” isn’t the best way to actually go about getting a girlfriend.
If you ask a girl what she wants in a guy, she might say (or think), “good-looking,” “rich,” or “nice.” (Of course, there are other qualities, like “a good sense of humor,” “honest,” “ambitious”, etc., but the first three are often at the top of many lists.) And if you’re a good-looking guy, a rich guy, or a really nice guy, then you know this is pretty true from your own personal experience – because it’s probably pretty easy for you to get a girl. And other guys might think it is hard for them to get a girlfriend, because they think they’re not good-looking, rich, or nice. But although “good-looking,” “rich,” and “nice,” is what a girl may think she wants, it isn’t necessarily what she really wants.
Many good-looking guys (but not all) are playboys, because they get a lot of attention from girls. Many rich guys (again not all) are spoiled boys, because they don’t have to work hard, and their parents give them what they want. And many nice guys are just mama’s boys (yet again not all), because they just do what their mothers tell them to do, and they seem to lack a mind and will of their own. Playboys, spoiled boys, and mama’s boys have one thing in common – they’re all just “boys.” They’re not men.
And a girl, whether she knows it or not, usually wants a man – not a boy. Every girl at one time or another dreams about finding “Mr. Right” - and there’s a reason why it’s “Mr. Right” and not “Boy Right”. She may go out with a boy, but that’s only because in the beginning, she thinks he’s a man – not a boy. So you don’t need to be handsome, rich, or even nice to get a girlfriend. But you may want to consider being a man. And being handsome, rich, or nice, doesn’t necessarily mean you are a man - it just means you’re handsome, rich, or nice.
Some people may say, “Just be yourself.” But that’s exactly the problem – the person you are now, doesn’t have a girlfriend. If you just continue being who you are now, then you may very well just continue being without a girlfriend into the future. So don’t just be you - be the best man that you can be. Because that’s what any relationship will eventually require, and that’s what every girl really wants – you being the best man that you can be.
What does “best man” mean? Only you can know what the best man for you is – because only you can decide what kind of man you want to be for yourself in this lifetime. That could mean being a family man, a career man, an outdoorsman, a sportsman, a ladies’ man, a handy man, a gentleman, or any combination of these. Or perhaps you want to be a man who follows his dreams and seeks to realize them. A man who has his own principles, and sticks to them. A man who knows what his life purpose is, and is seeking to fulfill it. A man who faces his fears with courage. A man who is learning about life, so that he can share what he knows about life with those he loves. A man who has a passion for his life because it is his life to live – and there is only one life to live. A man who aspires to be better than he is – to become a better man so that he and those around him may be bettered. You choose the man you want to be – you have no choice but to choose. Because otherwise, you’ll just be who you are now. Are you completely satisfied with who you are now?
I’ve never heard a girl say she wanted a man like this, but I know that such a man is exceptionally attractive to many girls. Because what kind of guy do you think most girls would choose: a guy who just wants to get a girlfriend, or a guy who is trying to be the best man that he can be? Wanting a girlfriend actually takes you farther away from actually getting one. Fortunately for you, there are few men trying to be the best man they can be, and many girls might not know any men like these at all. Unfortunately for you, you may not be one of them – yet.
When do you be the best man that you can be? I think the best time is - all the rest of your life. Starting now. Because in the end, being the best man you can be in order to get a girl is not very manly – be the best man you can be for you. Do it for your own self-respect – not for the respect of a girlfriend. Do it for the sake of your own heart – not to win the heart of somebody else. Do it because it’s your life - because you have to have your own life before you can share a life with somebody else. If you want to get a girlfriend, don’t think about getting this or that girl – think about being the kind of man you want to be so that the right girl(s) will come to you. And then your problem won’t be “getting a girlfriend,” but identifying and choosing the right one.
And how does she know when she’s found “Mr. Right”? When she’s got the right feeling. But if you ask them what they mean by that, or what causes that feeling, they can’t tell you. All they know is, they want the feeling. I believe what most girls want to feel is – passion. Because they believe that passion is the gateway to love. And that’s what they really want – love. They might want love to come in a good-looking, rich, and nice package – but when it actually comes, it really doesn’t matter. As long as it feels like real love, they’ll take it. Because deep in their hearts, girls actually want to believe that love conquers all things - because real love actually does. They want to believe that no matter what happens in life, even if they lose their looks, their money, or their niceness, that you’ll still love them and be there for them. Love like that moves their feelings and their hearts – and the world. And a real man has a better chance of delivering that kind of love than a boy.
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