sky to heaven - the invisible life.

My mother used to worry a lot about me. I remember when I was in high school I used to go out sometimes – to see a movie, or go to a friend’s house. Very harmless going out. I didn’t smoke (anything), I didn’t drink, I didn’t even go out with any girls since I didn’t know any (I went to an all-boys school). So when I mean go out, I don’t mean cruising, hanging out at beaches or on the streets, getting into fights, or doing anything crazy or illegal. And when I went out, it was only on the weekends – never on the weekdays.

My mother worried so much that she couldn’t sleep at night until I got home. Any time after 10PM, and she’d worry. I’d try to open the door as quietly as possible, but she could still hear it open at the other end of the house. She’d get up from bed, walk over to my room and say, “Don’t you know what time it is? It’s so late!” Then she’d go back to bed.

The next day I’d say, “Hey, don’t worry about me! I can take care of myself. You should trust me more.” And she’d say, “I can’t help worrying – I’m your mother! That’s what mothers do. One day when you’re a parent, you’ll understand!” Then I’d say back: “That’s not what all mothers do, that’s just what you do! Because not everybody’s mother can’t go to sleep just because their son is out after 10 o’clock on a Saturday night.” But she could never see the sense of that argument. She thought it was her job as a mother to worry. She probably thought any mother who didn’t worry, wasn’t a good mother. Then I’d say, “You worrying about me is your problem – it’s not my problem!” And she’d say, “That’s a heartless thing to say. I’m your mother!” Which meant, “You should be more considerate about how I feel.” And I’d say, “Well, I’m your son!” Which also meant, “You should be more considerate about how I feel.”

She’s trying her best to be a good mother, and I’m trying my best to be me. But I knew instinctively that I was “more” right. But still, when I went out, and the later it became, the more I’d think, “I’m outside trying to have a good time, and she’s at home trying to go to sleep but can’t.” I began to feel guilty about her worrying about me. Eventually I got tired of arguing, so I just started going out less and less. Fighting can be very exhausting - and it seemed hopeless against my mother.

So I decided to bide my time instead. I’d wait until college, when I could go out whenever I wanted. I’d wait until I could be free. Until I could have my own life and live my own life. I fantasized about a future and a life where I was free – where I didn’t have to worry about being worried about. Where I didn’t have to live as a prisoner of someone else’s worry. No pressure. No nagging. Nothing. The future would be absolutely great. And that’s what I did. So today, I don’t live with my mother anymore.

I learned from my mother that I didn’t want to be a person who worries. Worry doesn’t help the person you are worrying about, and it doesn’t help yourself. It didn’t help my mother become happier, and it certainly didn’t help me. In fact, worry only harms other people – and it harms yourself. I’m not a doctor, scientist, or even psychologist, but I believe worry is unhealthy. People who tend to worry a lot, seem to be less happier, and they get sicker more often. Perhaps some people really do“worry themselves to death”. And worry might not only kill you – it will kill your happiness as well. A happy person doesn’t worry: I have never seen a person who worries, and who is also happy at the same time. Worry eats your happiness and yourself away.

But many people worry: students worry about tests, workers worry about their jobs, and bosses worry about their companies. Parents worry about their children, and boyfriends worry about girlfriends. All this worrying makes me wonder - why do people worry if it makes so many people so unhappy?

Worry is fear that something negative will happen in the future. It is never fear about the past – because the past has already happened. It can’t be changed. People worry about the future because they can’t see the future – they don’t know what will happen, and they are afraid because they believe there is a good chance that bad things will happen. People worry about losing their jobs in the future – but they don’t worry that the sun is going to disappear.

Which means that worry is a lack of knowledge and understanding. Because if you knew that something good was going to happen, you wouldn’t worry. But if you knew that something bad was going to happen, you would quickly accept it – or deny it. Because there’s no point in worrying about something that’s inevitable. People don’t worry about reality – they only worry about possibility.

And why do people worry about negative possibilities? People worry because they do not have enough faith in their own ability to handle negative events in their future. If you get an F grade in a class, you might worry how that will affect your future college and job opportunities, because you believe you might not succeed in life without good grades. If you worry about losing your job, it’s because you’re not sure if you’ll be able to find another one. If you worry about your children not doing well in school or because they don’t behave like other children, it’s because you don’t know if they’ll be able to fit in to society, and you don’t know if they’ll be able to take care of themselves in the future. If you worry about losing a lover, it’s because you don’t know if you’ll ever find someone else who you love in the same way. If you worry about dying, it’s because you don’t know if there’s a good life after death – or if there is any life at all. The source of every worry is ultimately in the heart of the worrier who believes they will not be capable of handling what life may give to them, that they may somehow not survive and get through life’s difficulties. This means that worry is not about a problem in the outside world – but about you.

If you worry about the future, it may help to remember your past. You have already come this far in your life, and most certainly you have made it through many trials, setbacks, and difficulties, both great and small – and you are still here. So have more faith that you will survive your present and future difficulties. Be comforted that all things pass, just as the night passes into the day, the winter passes into the spring, and that you will pass through bad times into better times. Know that you have the tremendous resources of your spirit to persist and survive even the most dire of circumstances. Others have undergone abuse, injury, wars, and the loss of loved ones – and many have come through. So I am certain that you can survive and overcome your own worries - if you so will.