sky to heaven - the invisible life.

I’m not very much of a car person. I think cars pollute the earth and our cities too much, so I really don’t want to own one until an affordable, clean-fuel car comes onto the market.

As fate would have it, I live next to a garage shop. And every day when I look out the window, I see the garage owner’s glistening red Ferrari parked below, right in front of the shop, with its front end jutting out into the street. The first time I saw it, I thought, “Wow, a Ferrari, right next to my house.” I couldn’t help staring at it, because it’s so totally unlike any other car on the street.

After the first couple times I saw the Ferrari, I found myself hooked on it. To tell you the truth, I felt a bit of a rush. It paralyzed me and forced me to look at it, and it even made a part of me want to own the car. And if not own it, at least the chance to drive or ride in it. Or even sit in it - or even just touch it. Me, a non-car person, now feeling desire for a car. And I knew what this rush inside me was - envy.

I wondered, who is the owner of that car? What is their life like? Is it easy for them to get what they want in life? How much money do they have? How easy is it for them to have any girl they want? And in asking those questions, the Ferrari was pulling me towards it. I thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice to be in circumstances where I could buy a Ferrari?” That’s probably what most people wish for – not necessarily to own a Ferrari, but the power to be able to buy one. That car is like a wish come true.

The Ferrari represents money, power, mobility, and some would say, even sex – many of the things you could ever want in life, all wrapped up in one shiny, sleek package. Every day I saw that Ferrari, it ignited my envy. And I realized that the envy was not so much in the Ferrari, but inside me - the Ferrari was just a trigger. For envy can be triggered by many things: a nicer house, a nicer clothes, a nicer lifestyle. Envy is the lust that makes you want something because you don’t value what you have. And I didn’t like feeling my envy. Because envy makes you constantly compare yourself and your possessions to others – and to find yourself lacking. And wanting. If others have more, envy makes you feel unhappy and unsatisfied about yourself because you have less.

Me and the Ferrari. It was as if me and the Ferrari were fighting each other, struggling over something. But fighting over what? My way of life? My peace of mind? My soul? Perhaps you think I am exaggerating. But maybe you do not know the power of envy. Everything you could ever want, and everything you could ever desire. To be in an exceedingly better position. To have whatever money can buy, and to be free to do almost anything you want. And for others to think, “I wish I were in his shoes.” Or better yet, in his car. For most of us believe our happiness lies in these things. That is the power and promise of envy.

The envy was almost painful. The Ferrari was like every day someone putting half a million dollars in front of me and saying, “This is mine – and you can’t touch this.” Why couldn’t I live next to someone with a Toyota? So I started to hate that Ferrari. I just wished the Ferrari would disappear. Because if it disappeared, I wouldn’t have to be so constantly reminded of my own envy. To be reminded of what others had, and what I didn’t have, and so to feel that I was in some ways inferior to others. And helplessly, permanently so, for I will probably not be able to afford a Ferrari in this lifetime.

And so I realized that envy is one of the seeds of hatred. For I could see that, hating my inferior situation would lead me to hate myself. And hating myself would eventually lead me to hating the one I envied. Envy is not the fuel for self-empowerment and happiness, but the fuel for self-inferiority and misery. By reminding you of what you don’t have, envy makes you forget all the precious things in your life that you do have. By focusing on the advantages of others, envy makes you neglect your own advantages and dwell on your disadvantages. By making you look up to others, envy makes you look down upon yourself. So I was losing my direction. Losing control. And if I let the envy win, I felt I would lose an important part of myself, and a major battle in my life.

Today, I’ve made my peace with the Ferrari. Because instinctively, I know that the Ferrari is not the way to happiness. It is not necessary to own a Ferrari or to envy others in order to be happy in life. It is not necessary to own a Ferrari in order to be a successful person. And I believe that this understanding was the first, critical step towards my peace with the Ferrari. You may think that I alone have fought this battle, but I believe you may be fighting it, too. For most of the forces in society support the Ferrari, and encourage people to desire and gravitate towards the Ferrari and all that it stands for. Perhaps you yourself are being pulled by the Ferrari and your own envy without even consciously knowing it. I can prove this to you by asking one, simple question: Who would you rather be, and who would most people rather be - the guy driving the Ferrari, or the guy writing about the Ferrari?